Today I had my first acupuncture treatment. My manager had been raving about how he had worked out a deal with the acupuncture clinic that's in our building and he thought that some of us should go and support the other businesses in our building. I can definitely understand this logic. Support them and they'll pass on business to us as well. Makes sense.
So I was the first to go. It's kind of like sky-diving, you have to go at least once eventually. So I went and this was the first time I felt virtually paralyzed by my lack of grasp of the Korean language. It's improving, but not enough for the rate this nice lady was talking. So I motioned that I was going to take the form and head upstairs and get help from my manager's wife while he was in a meeting. She was awesome and started helping me and he got out of his meeting and was like “I'll go down with you”. Awesome I thought. He explained to the ladies that I wanted treatment for my shoulders and my knees.
They had me lie down on my back with a neck roll pillow while I had a heating pad on my shoulders and on my knee and a heat lamp on my stomach (IDK why, but I didn't care because it caressed me into my own LA LA land). I don't exactly know how long I was like this, but because my head was a little tilted back with the roll pillow I felt like I was spinning in and out of awesome, dreamy, consciousness. They then removed the heating pads and it was hilarious watching these ladies try to explain for me to take my shirt off. I did and laid on my stomach. They then started with these suction cup things all over my spine and shoulders. Reminded me of what experiencing an octopus on steroids might be like.
After leaving these on for a short period of time they returned and then I got a short intense shoulder massage. She really was able to find the knots and kinks around my blades. She then proceeded to use what smelled like Icy Hot (too many years of cross country to know instantly what it smells like). She then drew with a small marker where exactly the big knots were. Then came the doctor.
He was a nice guy. First he did what seemed like a chiropractic adjustment. OMG if the session was over right after that I would've felt like a million bucks still. He leaned in with his forearm on the side of my head and I've never heard my neck pop that much. Then he did the other side. Holy smokes. Then I felt his fingers over my shoulders. It wasn't until he got to my arm that my head was tilted and facing, that I realized he was already putting pins in me. My arm one was the last one, then he left, and two ladies came in. They were fiddling with stuff where I couldn't see and then I heard what sounded like a butane torch (for like crème brulee).
After a while (I don't really know how long as I didn't want to turn my head as there were a couple in there) they returned and pull them all out. I turned over. Put on my shirt, and hiked up my jeans over my knees. They then put the heat lamp on my knees for a few moments. The doctor came back, rubs my knees a little bit (shifted my cap like many doctors have done and of course I winced). Then he proceeded to start pinning my knees. These I COULD FEEL. There were some definite sharp pinches as he was putting them in. I then got front row seats to what evidently went on on my back. The ladies returned to put rubber washer looking things around the pins. The ones on my knees were having trouble staying on, so they had to put tape on them to add some extra hold. Then came the butane torch. They had these small little incense noodle looking things that went over the pin, rested on the rubber washer and were smoking.
All I could think of was Bill Engvall talking about smoke rising from his legs. I was laughing because that's definitely what it looked like. The other part that added to the uncomfortableness was when they were doing this they moved the heat lamp off of my knees and temporarily directed it at my groin. Only problem is they left it focused in that direction. Just a little toasty.
When I was leaving the doctor was like “I see you tomorrow”. I laughed and was like “how about next week”. He got a chuckle of his own as I was taking off my slippers and putting on my boots. Glad I could provide entertainment as well.
The whole process took a hour and a half. The financial damage? 8 and a half bucks. At first I thought my receipt said 87 bucks which I would've been fine with. At that rate though it'd only be a once a month experience.
I spread the word at work so I think there will be a couple other takers. Another hilarious moment out of this whole experience is during the younger kid's class my partner teacher and I were switching rooms and she goes “something in your room smells like it's burning.” I responded “it's me!” To which I got the most confused look imaginable. I then explained that they had lit stuff on fire on my back and all I was able to smell for the last hour or so was burning stuff. She got a kick out of that. I'm now at 9 hours later as I write this and this is still a burnt aroma. I can smell other stuff now though.
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